1967 ZAPPA ABSOLUTELY FREE LYRICS UK VERSION LIBRETTO BY FRANK UNDERGROUND PAPER

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AUGUST 31ST THRU SEPTEMBER 13TH 1967 INTERNATIONAL TIMES - ORIGINAL 53 YEAR OLD U.K. UNDERGROUND NEWSPAPER - THIS IS THE FAMOUS ISSUE WITH THE PHOTO OF FRANK ZAPPA SITTING ON THE TOILET THAT WOULD BE TALKED ABOUT FOR THE REMAINDER OF HIS CAREER - ALSO "MOTHERS OF INVENTION - THE LYRICS ARE ABSOLUTELY FREE"  FRANK'S FOREWORD: "THESE ARE WORDS TO THE SONGS ON OUR NEW ALBUM "ABSOLUTELY FREE". THIS IS NOT A REPRINT OF THE ACTUAL
LIBRETTO
THAT IS PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES TO ACCOMPANY THIS RECORD. IT IS A HASTY ATTEMPT TO GIVE THE BRITISH LISTENER A CHANCE TO MORE FULLY UNDERSTAND THE MESSAGE INHERENT IN THE ALBUM. PAULINE BUTCHER, SECRETARY AT LARGE, IN A GRUELING FIVE HOUR SESSION, WAS SUBJECTED TO THE AWFUL TASK OF TRANSLATING THE GARBLED NONSENSE ON OUR ALBUM INTO A FORM THAT I HOPE MOST OF YOU CAN UNDERSTAND. SOME OF THE TERMS, ABBREVIATIONS AND COLLOQUIAL EXPRESSIONS USED IN THE LYRICS MAY NOT BE FAMILIAR TO BRITISH LISTENERS. ALONG WITH THE ACTUAL WORDS TO THE SONGS THIS SPECIAL VERSION OF THE
LIBRETTO
WILL INCLUDE BRIEF TECHNICAL EXPLANATIONS FOR YOU". - 2 FULL PAGES AND CONTINUED ON THE 3RD PAGE ABSOLUTELY FREE ALBUM LYRICS EXPLAINED BY FRANK FOR THE BRITISH LISTENER AND MORE - THEN A COMPLETE FULL PAGE AD FOR "ABSOLUTELY FREE" AND THE "BIG LEG EMMA" SINGLE { WHICH HAD BEEN RELEASED AS A SINGLE AT THAT TIME IN THE U.K. }. THEY SAY THAT THEY CAN'T AFFORD TO PRINT THE LYRICS, BUT CAN AFFORD AN AD - ALSO AN ARTICLE BY WILLIAM BURROUGHS { AUTHOR OF THE TALKING AS*HOLE AND OTHER DELIGHTFUL STORIES } - AN AD FOR THE FIRST PINK FLOYD ALBUM "PIPER AT THE GATES OF DAWN" { AFTER ALL THIS UNDERGROUND MAGAZINE BEGAN AT THE ROUNDHOUSE IN THE U.K WITH PINK FLOYD PERFORMING } - PLUS OTHER ADS, ARTICLES {ETC} IN THIS, PERHAPS THE MOST FAMOUS U.K. UNDERGROUND MAGAZINE - EACH PAGE IS 12 X 18 INCHES { CLOSED } - COMPLETE 20 PAGE ORIGINAL U.K. UNDERGROUND MAGAZINE - CHECK OUT THE PHOTOS AND READ THE ENTIRE DESCRIPTION. YOU'LL LOVE IT, IT'S A WAY OF LIFE.
IF YOU'RE A FRANK ZAPPA / MOTHERS OF INVENTION PRINTED MATTER COLLECTOR AND DON'T HAVE THIS ISSUE OF INTERNATIONAL TIMES IN YOUR COLLECTION, YOU'LL BECOME THE LAUGHING STOCK OF YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, NEIGHBORS ANS ESPECIALLY YOUR FELLOW COLLECTORS. YOU MIGHT AS WELL ROLL UP THAT 1956 MAN'S LIFE WEASELS RIPPED MY FLESH COVER MAGAZINE { THAT YOU PROBABLY PAID 0 FOR } AND USE IT TO SWAT INSECTS AND OR THE ROACHES CRAWLING AROUND YOUR NOW NEARLY ABANDONED HOME { AFTER YOUR WIFE AND KIDS RAN AWAY IN SHAME UPON DISCOVERING THAT YOU DIDN'T OWN THIS MAGAZINE } AND CALL YO' SELF A ZAPPA COLLECTOR. THIS MAGAZINE IS OF HISTORICAL PROPORTIONS AND VERY FEW HAVE SURVIVED THE 53 YEARS SINCE IT WAS PRINTED.
THIS UNDERGROUND NEWSPAPER WAS PRINTED ON REGULAR NEWS TYPE OF PAPER, AND I'M SURE THAT THEY DIDN'T ANTICIPATE THAT ANYBODY WOULD STILL OWN OR BE INTERESTED IN KEEPING IT 53 YEARS LATER. YET IT HAS DOME REMARKABLY WELL.THIS ONE IS BETTER THAN ANOTHER ONE I HAD SEVERAL YEARS AGO. THEY ALL WERE ORIGINALLY FOLDED AS FAR AS I KNOW. NATURALLY IT HAS SOME YELLOWING AND A TINY TEAR STARTING TO DEVELOP ON A FEW PAPER EDGES IN THE MIDDLE FOLD. A TINY TEAR ON THE FRONT PAGE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BOTTOM EDGE. IT'S PRETTY NICE IN MY OPINION, BUT YOU CAN CHECK OUT THE PHOTOS AND JUDGE IT YO'SELF.
THIS MAGAZINE WILL GET SENT AS ORIGINALLY FOLDED IN A PLASTIC ENVELOPE WITH CARDBOARD BACKING IN A LARGE BUBBLE WRAP ENVELOPE OR MAYBE I'LL PUT IT IN A BOX. BUT I'M NOT GOING TO STRAIGHTEN OUT A 53 YEAR OLD FOLD AND SHIP IT COMPLETELY FLAT. THAT'S JUST ASKING FOR SOME KINDA' DISASTER. SO WHEN YOU GET IT YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH IT. { AFTER YOU CALL YOUR WIFE AND TELL HER SHE CAN COME HOME NOW }. OK LARRY?
FREE MEDIA MAIL SHIPPING IN THE USA.
.00 FOR FIRST CLASS INTERNATIONAL AIR MAIL SHIPPING TO CANADA.
.00 FOR FIRST CLASS INTERNATIONAL AIR MAIL SHIPPING TO ANY OTHER LOCATION IN THE WORLD.
CHECK OUT MY OTHER FRANK ZAPPA AND THE MOTHERS OF INVENTION, CAPTAIN BEEFHEART { DON VAN VLIET R.I.P. 2010 } AND HIS MAGIC BAND, TIM BUCKLEY { CROAKED }, STEVE VAI { LIKED SPANKING }, LARRY "WILD MAN" FISCHER { CROAKED TOO I HEARD }, ALICE COOPER { LOOKS LIKE HE CROAKED } PLUS MORE FRANK ZAPPA / CAPTAIN BEEFHEART RELATED ARTISTS THAN YOU COULD SHAKE YER STICK AT IN MY E-BAY STORE: SIR RICHARD PUMP A LOAF'S BAKERY. PLUS MANY OTHER COOL PSYCHEDELIC / HARD ROCK ARTISTS SUCH AS CAPTAIN BEYOND, BULL ANGUS, MOUNTAIN WITH THE PORTLY LESLIE WEST AND THE EXTREMELY COOL FELIX PAPPALARDI, ROOT BOY SLIM AND THE SEX CHANGE BAND AND OTHERS. THE ADMISSION REMAINS ABSOLUTELY FREE. { FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY }. SO WADDA YEZ WAITIN' FOR, HUH?